“Sometimes I rather be your girlfriend.” I told my husband the other day.
Don’t get me wrong. I love my husband. We had a pretty interesting story which I will not share now but let’s just say we are pretty sure we are made for each other and I am very happy to be married to him.
Yet I said, “Sometimes I rather be your girlfriend”.
When two people get married, and eventually have children, we are building a household. And all of a sudden we had to talk about practical stuff. House maintenance, kids, education, bills… and yes.. a lot of times comes down to the sensitive money talk.
I used to just go over his house on the weekend and chill, snuggle and hang out. I didn’t have to care whether he paid his bills, as long as there was hot water, bubble bath and a bottle of wine in his place (haha). Now we are married these conversations are unavoidable…
“We have to pay the kids’s school fees.”
“The water heater at home is not working and we have no hot water, or bubble bath.” (More story to tell later)
“Are you sure we are ok to bring our whole clan on a summer vacation?”
I hate the money talk with my husband. Especially I used to be a banker and I made my own money. But since I quitted my job 6 years ago and became a full time mother and now I am dependent on my husband’s income until recently I started m y new career as a yoga teacher but everyone knows it’s not a job to pay bills (at least not yet…). I have a lot of ego. I hate to ask him for money. Every time the money subject comes up I feel uncomfortable.
And for him? He just finished a long day of work and came home and think he can just chill and snuggle (like the old days!) and as soon as we sat down on the dinner table I bring up the money subject.
“I really do not want to talk about it right now.”
“But you are too busy at work when can I talk to you about it? The bills are due! This is the ONLY time we can talk about this.”
And occasionally when he is ready to talk then something happened around the house… Daughter crying… Son needs help with homework… etc.etc.
And this either turned into a fight, an unfinished conversation, or unpaid bills..
It is unavoidable that a couple has to talk about finance and money. In fact it is important that a couple are communicating between each other on the planning and communication about money, house affairs, and other difficult issues.
My husband shared this article with me from NY Times yesterday.
As this article implies, the time to do it is when we are both upbeat, in “work mode” and ready to make good, positive decisions. It is a great idea to have a regular, scheduled meetings and discuss these matters. Another idea is to have a coffee mid morning/mid day outside (after work drink is a no, no) so that both of us are on a neutral ground and we don’t get distracted from our work or the kids.
“By doing this outside, we can keep the house as a place of pleasure, love, retreat and family. ” said my husband.
I told you I love him. Now you see why. =)
Oh yea.. Hubby.. if you are reading this… on our next “coffee” let’s talk about our next diving vacation. =P