I was checking out my biography of my blog page. And it says – “I am a reformed ex-banker, wife and mother of two. I believe even as a mother you can still be fun, fit and playful.”
I realised I didn’t mention my husband.
In my blogs, I write about yoga, and my life being a mother. I do share about how to keep a healthy and active lifestyle as a “MOTHER”, but I rarely talk about down to bottom you want to remain a “HOT WIFE”.
So some may wonder if I am having a happy marriage. In fact I do. And a happy one too. However my husband is an extremely private person and demands extreme privacy about him. He does not have Facebook (but he create an account for our 6 year old son so he can still see what’s happening on Facebook – cheeky!). He does not have What’s app. and he asks me not to put any of his pictures on any of my social media. How ironic is that as the wife is posting her “yoga selfies” all over the web when the husband is absolutely the opposite.
However, I respect that. And that’s why our marriage works.
I can’t talk TOO MUCH about our love story, as it will “violate” the agreement between my husband and I. But let’s just say we were both “troubles” in our younger age pre marriage. Both of us never thought we would get married. In fact in all the years we were dating he stated clearly that “I WILL NOT GET MARRIED.” So the fact that we are not only married but also happily married is kinda a miracle.
It was our 7 year wedding anniversary last Sunday. And before that we dated for 7 years. And all together we have been together for almost 15 years. Honestly I am still amazed that we have been married for 7 years, especially with a guy who said “I WILL NEVER GET MARRIED” and he is definitely not a hands-on father (which means he still have no idea how to change a diaper after two kids).
How did we get through that? and honestly our marriage is great. Didn’t people said there is a 7 year itch? I am not going to write a blog on “How to have a successful marriage” or “How did I tame the bad boy to become my husband” (maybe one day… Haha…) However, if I have to scrap down to one word that makes our marriage works is – Communication.
Both my husband and I have the same “cute” personality – we are very honest and straight forward people. He always said that I do not process my thoughts and they already come out of my mouth. And he is always a little bit too brutally honesty so much he makes people around him uncomfortable.
We were just having a late night conversation the other day and we are surprised that many married couples actually do not talk to each other anymore. OK. They talk. But it’s all about the household stuff. Kids’ school, dinner, bills. Even talking about a date or vacation it’s like “scheduling a meeting”. There is almost no exchange on communications about the relationship anymore, not even talking about romance yet.
One thing about our relationship is we just talk about everything. We really do not hide much from each other. We are sometimes too “brutally honest” with each other (which sometimes turns into arguments but at least we talk. Yes, we do argue sometimes. A lot of married couples actually do not fight anymore. All they have left is talking about routines and logistics. However for us after all the years of “arguing” we both know what trigger each other and throughout the years our arguments become more “productive” than “destructive”. So… if you guys are still “fighting” there is still love and hope there. However, arguments should stay as positive as possible. No physical fights, and no insulting. Be kind, A cruel word, once said, cannot be unsaid.
It’s important to “talk it out” about the relationship at all times. After all dating and a marriage is very different and we are both learning. And having a family and kids is not easy. After 7 years of marriage I am still adjusting my role as a mom and a wife, and I am still feeling challenged at times. If you don’t share your feelings and even hardships as being a mom/wife/dad/husband then your love partner will eventually becomes your “room mate” or your “business partner” (the household is the business).
Maintaining a marriage is a lot of work. Work with each other. However, do not seek to change each other, but to listen accept and support each other.
Oh… another important thing. Tell him/her you love her/him. A lot, Anywhere, anytime, Closed doors, in front of your kids, in public.. even in social media (which my husband hates).
To my husband – “I love you. ” 😝